hanjoong feels

The first time Han Geng saw Jaejoong, the thing he remembered the most was his eyes. Jaejoong has a pair of extremely beautiful eyes. His eye pupil's are very black, very bright, and is even prettier than a girl’s eyes. (Me: That is so damn true!!! XOXOXO ^_^) He is like someone handsome right out from a comic. Although he has seen Heechul, which has a similar famous beautiful appearance, Han Geng still feels shocked by Jaejoong’s appearance. Hero’s appearance is a different kind of beauty, totally different from of Heechul’s. Jaejoong’s appearance is delicate, pretty, and it also gives a cold feel that rejects you miles away. Han Geng thought that Jaejoong is truly worthy as the champion of SM’s Beautiful Appearance Award. (Me: Yes I totally agree 100%!!! XOXOXO ^_^)

Although Jaejoong’s appearance brings a feminine resemblance, his appearance also gives people a really cold feeling. Besides he mutually gives regards, Jaejoong nearly does not speak at all, and always shows an expressionless face, this lets Han Geng think that he is hard to get close to. This impression continues on until both of them are placed into the same dormitory.

From then on, only then had he understood that the “first impression” that Jaejoong gave are the total opposite of who he truly is. Kim Jaejoong is someone who, if he wants to, can make people laugh like mad, that kind of person.

“ Hyung, you know what are fingers for? ”
" What? "
" It is for stirring the soup when you don’t have a spoon . "

First time Han Geng heard Jaejoong made this kind of joke, Han Geng thought in surprise that ‘So this person can make jokes!?!”. In just a short month time, Han Geng’s impression of Jaejoong has greatly changed into ‘This guy is really funny’.

The first time Han Geng has really experience Jaejoong’s funny skills was not long after they had stay together. There was once, he, Jaejoong and a few trainees were practicing dancing. During rehearsal break, they start playing a game, taking turns showing the dance they are most skilled in, the one who dance the best won’t have to clean up the practice room later. Everyone dance with all his might, Han Geng also did a dazzling popping dance. When it was Jaejoong’s turn, he just stand in the middle of the place and suddenly start a weird dance. His two arms wiggle forward, like a queer bird flapping it’s wings, one hand pointed at the sky and the other hand pointed at the floor, then he started running and turning around in circles, after a few circles he start shaking his hand and feet causing Han Geng and the others to look dumbfoundedly. When they finally started responding, everyone was drop to the floor laughing their hearts out, Han Geng laugh till he almost breathless, he never would have thought that Kim Jaejoong, such a pretty-faced guy, would have such a humor in him.

After that, as Han Geng slowly understand him more, he started liking him more. Jaejoong is a kind and considerate person. Although he may look cold on the outside, he is very kind and warm in the inside. Once, when Han Geng was not feeling well, Jaejoong was the only one that found out. Jaejoong gave him medicine and even made porridge for him, that really touched Han Geng. Both them instantly became best friends, Jaejoong can talk a lot, love telling cold jokes, love to play around, and always make Han Geng laughs. The “ cold impression and beautiful Jaejoong” that he first seen has gone to don’t know which planet.

Jaejoong also likes Han Geng. Han Geng also don’t know why but compared with the other people in the same dormitory, Jaejoong was closer to him. Jaejoong will come to find him no matter if it’s dance practice or song practice. The truth is, Han Geng’s Korean language skills was bad back then, sometimes Jaejoong had to speak with a little sign language for Han Geng to get what is said, but Jaejoong treat him this foreigner better than he treats anyone else, Han Geng was very touched of this.

Those days, Jaejoong was very serious with practicing singing, he can practice his vocal whole day and night in the practice room, till a very crazy extent. Han Geng was really shocked when he first got to know of Jaejoong’s suffering experience. When Jaejoong was a mere 10 age plus boy, he once sold his blood for a meal, even walk till he fainted just to save the transportation money needed. Han Geng was naturally impressed with Jaejoong which was two years younger than him. Jaejoong has a strong determined heart.

But all those are already in the past. The Jaejoong now can finally realize his dream under the name of TVXQ. Han Geng will feel happy everytime he sees Jaejoong’s cheerful face. Han Geng knows that the Jaejoong who sees his dream and friendship more important than anything else, not only has dream, but also the TVXQ members that he cares deeply. With Junsu, Yoochun, Changmin and Yunho by his side, this kind of Jaejoong will live his everyday happier than in his past.


credits to:Mary1803

people think

people think that they are so strong
that they're always doing what they want to do
JYJ aren't in SM anymore so they do whatever they want
false
do you see Jaejoong able to promote his album on TV? no
Jaejoong Yoochun and Junsu
they haven't become party animals and crazy drug addicts or anything bad have they? no
they're still polite, they're still hardworking
just because their 'free' doesn't mean their free from societal expectations or from getting blocked from TV

and Yunho and Changmin
just because they decided to stay doesn't mean that their chained up dogs
but it doesn't mean that they have 'freedom' either!
i worry about them BECAUSE of the overwork, BECAUSE of the overlaying schedules
i worry about them because that is part of what made JYJ leave

but these 2 never seem to admit defeat even though they are human
they always take on more and more so headstrong
but it hurts to see them hurt and then continue pushing on at the same fast pace

i just don't know

both of their circumstancesssss....

i'm so frustrated!

JYJ they seek free creativity, they seek to expand, that is why i'm JYJ bias

it hurts but if i was one of the member

i would have stayed with Yunho and Changmin, because of all the reasons Yunho and Changmin stayed, the SM family, Suju, Shinee, because of all the hardwork and effort that was put into TVXQ that i would not be able to part with, because of the knowledge of being able to be seen on TV and continue the name, because of knowing that if i were to leave there would be too much at risk, because of a feeling of loyalty towards SM because they were the ones who created what i cherish now, even if i hated them, despised how they over work, how they have greed for money or whatever, i would have stayed if i were a member.

it hurts that as a fan i support JYJ so much more
that when i see JYJ i get the feelings, of liveliness and growth, of new songs being sung
of new opportunities being pursued
but when i look at Yunho and Changmin
i feel trapped
i feel uncertain of their happiness and willingness
i feel scared, wondering if they are hurt because these 2 never show it
i feel like i don't want to watch them
i don't want to watch them because i always think
'are you really saying that or is that scripted?'
its so strange isn't it?
when they were all in DBSK most times everything was scripted with some adlib and it was fine with me
but now
now that i see JYJ able to say reasonably what they want, when they want to, how they want to
it seems so fake to have a script planned out now
it seems like Yunho and Changmin could do it too, talk without a script, say exactly how they feel, not have to be so polite when answering questions, i wish for them to talk seriously towards us fans at least, no script nothing.  Just something to make sure that they are doing well, i don't even know, when they smile i don't know if its real, and it scares me that i question them and it hurts and causes me to turn away from them
they look so perfectly fine, they become more and more refined looking, more and more charactered, i'm sorry but 2d, so 2d are their characters that they're portraying now that i feel there is an ocean behind both of them that is being hidden

Yunho the leader, Yunho who is a bit clumsy and cute, a bit sensitive and silly, yet headstrong, polite yet formidable, his stance everything shows his strengths

Changin the maknae, outspoken, rude to people, snarky, smart, loves food, a bit rude to fans, yet still loving in his own way

isn't there more to them than that?
i know this is part of them but it's just what they're showing us
i can't even describe JYJ's characters anymore because they've broken their idol character images
i want to see Yunho and Changmin's idol characters broken
i want it to be okay that they're a mess of contradictions
i want to not just love them because of their character they choose to show, i want to love them because they are showing their true selves, i wish....
they would leave SM
i know i'm so bias
but i want them to leave
these feelings of wanting to see a new them
only leaving would be able to accomplish this
and i hate that i can't support their position
i hate that i can't support the decision that i myself would have done
but i want them to leave SM so much

but i do love them still
i do love them
i know i do because i want the 5 of them together again
and don't want JYJ alone
i long for all 5 of them
to see them again
i want to see their facial expressions side by side, their interactions

i want to know they are all being real with us, doing as they please, succeeding in their explorations

just everything
i feel so bad i feel like this because... i want to support them but can't
and i'm trying to figure out why
it hurts, but i would never bash Yunho or Changmin either
because i still love them
i do still love them