idk what to say

oh yeah dbsk and smtown were awesome in ny and jyj were awesome in spain! <3

just awesome!

and just so i remember hyukjae and kyuhyun both went to europe while jyj were there! they so secretly met up!

i want to rant but im tired right now...

i love you dbsk!

i just found another cassie that i know!

i didnt know she liked dbsk actually! surprised me! but im so happy! ^^

dbsk fighting forever!!!! <3

happy late bday to me

yaay junsus soccer team won on my bday! that makes me extremely happy! and he looks so good! <3

then i had this whole lsm rant but i wrote it on kpopsecrets.tumblr.com so its lost somewhere there...

then yeah

well basically a rant about my life would be:

im in a club at school that im supposed to get a job for but i cant get a job and im all depressed

but at the back of my head i know im not trying that hard because really all i want to do with my time is dbsk waste it

...*sigh* my driving sucks too

so basically i hate my life and yeah

dbsk help me get my mind off it and relieves my stress and fills my heart

but gooooooosh

i dont wannnaaaaaaa liiiiiive liiiiiife

i wannaaa stay on the computer and dbsk hunt/stalk

i wannaa go to dbsk concerts and scream for them

i wanna sleep and have fun like a kid does

i dont wanna grow up

isnt it too harsh?

if the point to living is to be happy

cant we live our lives the way we want to?

i know that wont work its just my selfishness talking...


when we die we r just a spec in time arent we?

*sigh*

i wonder sometimes

why is it that i even live on?

i think the reason every1 lives is because of selfishness.

if you live dont you take up food and take up energy and supplies and space?

but its out of your own selfishness that you keep living on

your own selfishness

so something you could do as a favor to the whole universe is to kill yourself rly...

but yeah im to selfish to do that and so is the rest of the living world

anyways what i also thought about was

would i take a pill that would intantly and painlessly kill me?

really i had to think about it

sometimes i think i would

if you really think about it none of this stuff matters or even MEANS anything

nothing does


the only thing keeping me alive really is knowing that there are ppl like dbsk that im waiting to meet

also that there are people out there with the courage and selfishness to live on


but really every1 is living for themselves arent they?

well thats what i feel

except for when dbsk come in

thats whats weird

i think if i hadnt become a Cassiopeia maybe i really WOULD have turned out to be one of those ppl who just up and out of the blue killes themself?

just because i felt like it

because i see i rly am insignificant and i rly DONT matter

okay

nothing you or anyone else says will change this because its a fact

i dont want to hear 'you are a big part of this and that' 'you are so important' etc.  in reality im not

your not

no one is

you and i are just specs in this spec of a planet and it wouldnt matter


so whats keeping me alive again?

well if you do want to know its my selfishness because i realize i AM selfish

i WILL eat the food in my fridge without a second thought to the hobo outside or the starving kids in africa

i WILL sleep in my warm blanket even though i know there are people freezing out there on the streets

i WILL take up space in this over populated world

and i realize

'hey ive been given this life in america where things are alot better than other places.  ive been blessed with this spec of a life.  even though im suffering its great isnt it? wonderful even.  might as well live what ive got.  it makes no difference to the universe if i kill myself today or die after 100 years.  it would be boring if i died like a saint selfless coward.  i would rather live a fun and sinful life.

thats what i think anyways

atleast right now.

usually i think the opposite way but
...

life really gets you down sometimes doesnt it?

all i can do is darkly snicker and say 'i can live'

today is a happy freaking day!

1st off idc if its a false rumor or whatever but the thought if yunho saying 'i miss junsu and yoochun but i especially miss jaejoong.' is enough to make me cry and want to shout to the world AKTF!!!

then homin practicing to DBSK 5 version of maximum! omg crying! so good! wtf?! ill never look at that song the same way again! maximum was supposed to be the 5s comeback and kyhd was supposed to be yunhos solo at 1st!  thats y theres a 'yunho time' and not a 'changmin time'.

then its JYJ's 'unforgettable live tour'! and Jaejoong being Jaejoong decides he wants to sing some of Stand By You.  omg such a brave move! im so moved right now srsly i wanna cry!!

next is something Yunjae related k?

the question was:

what would you say when your proposing to someone (or something)

Yunho: I will protect you

aaah jaejoongs soong XD

idc if im being delusional i am so freaking happy

my ot5 is real

crying tears of idk

happiness that they do actually miss each other?
sadness that they arent together right now?
the love that they share which is so beautiful and moving?

god

AKTF

today i am happy

DBSK is forever home to yunho changmin junsu jaejoong and yoochun.

DBSK is forever loved and watched over by Cassiopeia

my last words tonight are

'thank you for allowing me to share in, even a little bit, of the love you guys have for each other and Cassiopeia. 
thank you for allowing me to ride this rollercoaster with you. 
i feel honored that i can see these faces, even if they are on a computer screen, and smile with a genuine smile, because i love you guys and i believe in you guys. 
until the very end.'

*sigh*

i had a dream i met Jonghyun and me being me all i did was tell him 'oh Jonghyun!  your amazing at singing!  your great!  really great!' and in my dream he could speak english and he was all being modest like 'oh really? thank you!' so friendly and all that! i had a really light hearted feeling when talking to him X)

anyways jaejoong! i hope you really get to see yunho at the poseidon after party!
http://kimjaejung.tumblr.com/post/11351261501/our-lights-director-has-gone-to-work-on-kbs

this basically sums up everything i want to say about that!

idk like i always say jaejoong is smarter than we think he is hes all devious like hes all challenging sm but he knows if yunho shows up he wins cause he gets to see yunho but if yunho doesnt show up he still wins because every1 will know that smes not letting him go. im glad im on jaejoongs side haha XD i say hes all smart and devious but i still love him. he makes up for every1 elses passiveness and seems to be always doing something new

but he never steps a foot out of place. idk its like yknow code gease and positioning the troops in the right places at the right time to win? like chess. like that i think jae always has an upper hand and its amusing. smes money is like adding a pawn after its been killed but jae and every1 that keeps supporting jaes gives him their pieces and together they're all fighting sme until smes becomes all out of pawns... hopefully soon cause sme's being rly pathetic

i like when other artists totally support jyj, or actors/actresses, or ahjummas, or ojis, my favorite are politicians and journalists XD

^^^ i wrote this to my friend to so yeah i vented out my feelings about that pretty well



anyways jyjs in europe right now and homin are wherever dream concerts being held right? fighting! <33333

i wish i was there with u guys!

but i am forever there with u in spirit!

oh and our wonderful mochi henry babyyyy~! his birthday was october 11! ^^ stay strong henry lau!! im supporting you! :) one day all your hard work will pay off baby!

SHINee!!!

okay on the topic of SHINee!

Key cant sing but is good at rapping and i love his attitude

Minho is actually better at singing than Key and is a great rapper and very athletic but i dont like his attitude

Taemin... can only dance is very cute... im sry i dont rly like him

then theres Jonghyun and Onew!

OMG i love those 2 SO MUCH! when i hear them singing its like im having an orgasm they're so good!

i can't pick who i love more!

at 1st i loved Jjong

then i loved Onew and it stayed that way for a while

but then i heard Jjong sing again and was swept away again then i listen to Onew and im swept away again!!!

Okay i love their passion when they sing, they rly want to show to emotion of the song!

not that im hating on the other members but Key and Taemin have trouble carrying their notes and Minho always has this face that you can tell he's thinking too much about looking good.

Jjong and Onew i love LOVE LOVE them!

Okay when they both sing in korean i LOVE Jonhyuns voice SO MUCH!

but when Onew sings english or chinese etc. i literally fly!  He's so amazing!

then you look at their personalities that are so different but i LOVE THEM BOTH!

cute, smart, dorky, perfect, Onew!  then sexy older leader shi! ^^

cute, boyish, hansome, amazing Jonghyun! our dynamic lead singer! X3

gooosh

i picked Onew for a while because he is totally everything im looking for in a husband/boyfriend/lover. XD

but

Jonghyun gosh i love love love him!  and sometimes when i say i love Onew the most i feel something weird but when i say i love Jonghyun the most i dont have that weird feeling but i feel a bit confused!

its soooooo.... uuugh i cant pick my SHINee bias!!!!

gaaawwwww!!!

these 2!!!!!

________

I felt like i needed a break from being a super depressed Cassie and if i go to Suju right now i would still b super depressed because... its depressing to see those ppl who are gone :'( so SHINee is always my little break group where i go to to relax

i dont claim to be a Shawol at all but i do love and appreciate them just like SNSD, Big Bang, 2NE1 and all those other groups!

^^

anyways Jonghyun or Onew! i can't choose!

okay ive found out too much and now im double posting in 1 day! aah!

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crying crying crying forever!

okay 1st off i need to spazz about G-Dragon getting a dragon ball tattoo! omgsun!  Did Jaejoong tell you to get that?! jiyoung and Jae both love dragonball.... last time jae was all 'collecting the 'in heaven albums, somehow it feels like collecting dragonballs' aaahhh these 2! TT^TT

what worries me the most is that Jae's gonna find out and think its so cool and also get 1!

omg DONT JAE DONT!

*sigh*

i love these 2 to death but dang

CALM DOWN WITH THE TATTOOS ALREADY!!!

Yoochun already did bad enough getting what?  His moms face or something like that?! uuuugh omg TT^TT


okay secondly or more importantly than these guys and their rediculous obsession with tattoos

JYJ make me wanna cry

JYJ's interview = perfect example of AKTF

then more than that

Protect the Boss and Poseidon have the same lighting instructor!!!!!

Jaejoong talked to this guy and he said that Jae should go to a poseidon after party!!!

Jae said something like 'idk if Yunho will be there but atleast i would be able to see Choi Siwon.'

CRYING! TT^TT

other things during the interview were things such as

'all 3 of us dreamed about Changmin and Yunho at the same time'

and others like 'we dont contact Changmin and Yunho.  Please let us contact them.'

WTF?! WHY DOES THE WORLD HURT SUCH GOOD PEOPLE?!

reminds me of when JYJ 1st left SME and no SME person was allowed to contact them so Hyukjae went to a public phone and was seen crying.  all i can say is, Hyuksu have such a great bond TT^TT

then there was hankyuk who says that he trys to contact his members but can never reach them.  Leetuk said he was lying!!!!

and now remember that time Yunho said he didnt recieve anything from Jaejoong but Jaejoong revealed that he did try to contact him and that he would send one right now again and that Yunho should see it and respond back.

omgsun!


but most of all i hope Yunho and Changmin are all right....

the way they act... it doesnt SEEM like they miss JYJ as much as JYJ miss them...

but

we have to remember they arent free to say what they want.

*sigh*

i just want to add

the tweet about Junsu and Yoochun singing hug and forever love almost in tears is so sad. 'i watched the sun set and it looked so sad.' thats what i remember of the last part

then the rumor A-Nation staff spread about Changmin crying after Jae's 'i miss you' tweet

then idk! but gosh! the world is wrong!

what the heck?!

these 5 worked SO HARD they were so SINCERE and WONDERFUL and have been nothing but KIND and CONSIDERATE.

They deserve better.

They deserve to be happy.

they deserve to be able to be together.

they deserve to be free.

AKTF goodnight!

gaawwd

i think ive already said this but dang
shinee are so skinny and tired looking and yeah they need a good break

moving on

DBSK5ness all around the world! everywhere! well okay not rly but JYJ just had an interview and Jaejoong was all 'we are dbsk' 'jyj is from dbsk' 'we are still members of dbsk' etc.

i read some stupid comments (which makes me wonder why i follow a JYJ only site...) that 'oh ppl are gonna misunderstand him' and all that

those fans i think ive already said this too but those fans... are so STUPID!

wth?!

Jaejoong says straight out, Yoochun says straight out, Junsu says straight out, we are members of DBSK, we love Yunho and Changmin, we want to be with them, we miss them, etc.

and these JYJ only fans piss me off because they care more about keeping their own little JYJ world instead of listening to JYJ and accepting that the 5 of them love each other and want to be together!

gosh...

piss me off...

Homin only fans piss me off too but they're even MORE scary than JYJ only fans.

Homin fans get SUPER offended right off the bat when you mention JYJ

but JYJ fans think theyre all that and SAS you when you mention Homin

these guys rly piss me off and i HATE how most of them consider themselves to be Cassiopeia!

Cassiopeia is for all 5 members!

Homin only fans why do u think that Changmin picked that name? huh?! did he pick it because there are 2 stars?! no! There are 5 stars in Cassiopeia! 5! i don't think i can be any clearer than this!!!!!!

JYJ only fans who are all 'orion!' and 'oh JYJ just havent made up their own fanclub!' omg its been what? 2 almost 3 years now and JYJ have not ONCE acknowledged 'Orion' as their fanclub or made up their own fanclub!  You know why?! BECAUSE THEY ARE STILL DBSK MEMBERS AND ONLY WANT CASSIOPEIA!

There are still 5 members in DBSK.


k next rant will be JYJ and Music Bank

yeah every1 knew that they wouldnt be able to go on...

KBS i hate you.  With a fiery hate! Ugh!

I even heard about it.

'Oh Super Junior's 'Acha' should have won Kara's 'Step' wasn't even that good'

okay 1st off!

i do agree that i support Suju more than Kara BUT the vote was very close and only off by about 100 or so votes.

Kara works hard too!

i then feel that if Kara and Suju weren't DBSK's friends i WOULD hate them and i feel bad about this...

BUT i think its a detestable thing that Kara was like 'omg we won!' *cry cry*

okay

they KNOW JYJ are being blocked, that JYJ should have that award, but they still stand up there like that with no shame!

I want my JYJ up there too!  JYJ deserve that award more!  That is JYJ's award!  How can you act like you're so happy you won and all that jazz when you KNOW it should be JYJ's award?!

*deep breaths*

but i guess like i said b4 since JYJ are banned Super Junior was thought to be the clear winner and Kara i guess didnt rly think they would get the award but did...

and when i think about it my DBSK boys have won TONS of this award so i shouldnt be so bent on this...

but i can't help these feelings

i am

mad

i can't say i'm not because i AM mad that JYJ aren't getting what they DESERVE.

and if there is anything that i want for my boys...

nevermind

i think my boys deserve the world

and i know they are shooting stars, another day will come when the sun will shine in their favor once more.

just....

stay strong JYJ!

DBSK stay strong!