no one should ever read this

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I HATE YOU!
i am so fucking worried about you!
please give us some sign that you are alive!
PLEASE!
Jaejoong...
I HATE YOU!
YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT US ANYMORE?
YOU CAN'T HANDLE US ANYMORE?
YOUR FANS ARE WAITING
HOLDING OUR BREATH EVERY SECOND THAT WE DON'T HEAR ANYTHING FROM YOU

STAND UP DAMMIT

STAND UP!!!

why am i crying over you?
i hate you so fucking much
jaejoong
jaejoong stand up

jaejoong

SAY something!

anything

just let us know that your still alive

120321 Lee Seung Hyun talked about Jaejoong!

Q. You were in an idol group ‘Focuz’, how did you decide to choose musical as another challenge? 

A. I had loved singing and dancing very much and before I had a wish to be an actor because my mother was an actress. I thought the genre that includes all these things (singing, dancing and acting) is musical and it is the stage that I can express my talents. I wanted to start at the very bottom as a trainee. But I had no chance at all, then JYJ Jaejoong hyung contacted me unexpectedly. Before I had talked a lot that I want to do musical, then Jaejoong hyung-nim had kept it in mind and told me ‘Why don’t you take an audition? There’s a good role.’ I am really thankful. He is like the savior of my life.

Source: Naver Blog
Translated by: Jeneration
Shared by: JYJ3

He who lived up to the name 'Cassiopeia'

He who lived up to the name 'Cassiopeia'

artofgrieve:

He who lived up to the name ‘Cassiopeia’

[TRANS] He who lived up to the name ‘Cassiopeia’

T/N: This is a true story.

He was a lawyer, he was always busy.

She was a psychiatrist, she was always free.

He always worked as hard as he could so he would be able to spend more time with her.

She always stayed at home so she could chat on the internet… even when he got back, she’d pay no attention.

She was a delinquent; she smoked, drank and got into fights, she even stole from her father so she could leave home, yet he would always gently run his hand through her long hair, telling her everything would be okay.

He was always on her side, defending her, speaking up for her.

He used to say ‘Lots of girls smoke nowadays, she’s not the only one, it’ll be okay as long as she doesn’t get addicted.’

He used to say ‘Who were the ones who allowed her to take her first sip of alcohol at 2-3 years old? The fact that she drinks is not her fault alone.’

He used to say ‘It’s no mystery that she’s withdrawn and a bit of an eccentric, why would she get into fights if people didn’t provoke her?’

He used to say ‘If you hadn’t tried to give her a new mother, would there have been a need for her to leave home? She would’ve starved to death if she hadn’t taken that money.’

He always sounded so reasonable, as though she’d done nothing wrong.

He was so nice, the ideal for so many girls, but even by the age of 24, he’d only ever dated once. He always put all his time and attention on her; he would hold her hand when they crossed roads, he would watch over her when they went on buses, he would call to make sure she’d gotten home safely at night, and he would watch her eat with a silly smile over meals. He was so filial, yet he’d always fight with their parents over her. He was so mature, yet he was always willing to mess around and have fun with her, to talk about TVXQ with her… he’d always say ‘Grow up sooner so you can marry them, even though it worries me, I’ll be fine with it as long as it’s what you want.’

The two of them grew up together, no one ever looked after them so they looked out for each other. Together, they walked through 20 odd winters.

She remembers the time when TVXQ first separated… he asked ‘Do you believe that they’ll be back?’ She replied ‘I do, because the five of them never told us they’d broken up.’ And so he said ‘When they make their comeback, I’ll take you. First row.’ She told him ‘Okay’.

That was the first and last time he ever made a promise that was never fulfilled. He survived congenital heart disease, he survived the pain of losing their mother, he survived all the difficulties at work. He was like superman, he lived through all those ups and downs… yet he didn’t survive that one car accident…

She remembers clearly the way the car hit them, the world spun, the glasses shattered. It flew towards her, and at that moment, he leaped across to shield her, taking the impact. She survived with only a cut across her thigh… but the accident left him with cuts all over his back from the broken glass.

She thought he’d leave her as she watched him lie on that bed, covered in bandages, his face deathly pale. She was helpless, the room reeked of formaldehyde. She felt as though she could see her mother again, her mother’s leg… her mother’s ashes… there was only one leg… a thin layer in that box of ashes.

She grew more and more afraid, with trembling hands, she switched on her laptop and told a few other Cassiopeia about her fears. She burst into tears when she saw the comforting words that were their responses. Her vision was blurred, but she remembered the names of those fans and kept them buried in her heart.

It was midnight, he’d woken up. She smiled. Everyone told her ‘It’s fine, you should sleep, you’re a patient here too.’ She went to bed, the edge of her lips lifted in a smile. Her leg was hurting less. That night, she didn’t dream.

The next day, she was woken by the shouts of the nurses, they were calling for help. He saw his body covered in blood, watched as the doctors frantically carried him out. She lost it and ran out to follow, disregarding the wound on her leg. She stood outside the operation room all morning, until the blood had seeped through her trouser leg and she was dragged away to have it re-bandaged

When she got back, she saw the doctor shake his head at her father. She didn’t hear the words that left his lips, at that moment there was nothing important than seeing him.

He was awake and saw her go in, with all his strength, he managed for force a smile. Then he said ‘Xiao Liang, I want to listen to music, TVXQ.’

And so, as he lied on his bed, she sat beside him in her wheelchair. They shared the earphones and listened to the voices of 5 angels.

He said ‘You have to be good’ He said ‘Don’t withdraw yourself, Cassiopeia are good people.’

He said ‘To be honest, I’m an unfit fan, I haven’t been to a single one of their concerts, I’ve never bought their merchandise or their albums. I’m not even a member of TVXQ Baidu.’

He said ‘When do you think their comeback concert will be?’

She smiled, a genuine smile. ‘I won’t make any guesses on that, but I bet they’ll sing Stand By U.’

She never got an answer. A moment later, she leaned down to his ear and whispered ‘Don’t leave with any regrets, I’ll be there on your behalf.’

A tear left the corner of his eye as he was taken away.

She sat still, TVXQ’s song still playing… She remained for the rest of the afternoon.

That was my brother, his name was Shen Yi Xuan.

He was a fan, a year older than Changmin. He never bought any albums or any merchandise, he never went to any concerts and was never a member of TVXQ Baidu. He says he doesn’t qualify as Cassiopeia, yet he was listening to TVXQ’s voices as he left me. He told me to guess when their comeback would be. He said that it was a shame he wouldn’t be there for it, but that I should go for him. It’ s hard to believe that a person like this would actually call himself an unfit fan…

I promised my brother I’d go to the comeback concert, but in all honesty I don’t know how much longer I’ll be around. My brother had congenital heart disease and so do I. I could be chatting happily on QQ with other fans today and leave to join my brother the next. Given the current situation, no one knows when the comeback will be. With the way this family is wavering, I wonder if our dream will ever come true, what if I don’t make it?

All I can hope for is that this family will stay together, at least it will give me a reason to hold on. Aren’t we all waiting for the same thing? Why must we fight amongst ourselves?

(omitted)

Finally, I have a selfish request… I hope more fans out there will remember this name. His name was Shen Yi Xuan.

yunjae

http://jijiballs.tumblr.com/post/19171955603/yunjae-little-moments

“Sometimes the YunJae fanfictions are very sad. I wonder if me and Yunho will ever be seperated.” - Jaejoong

MC: Is there any member that you think will be good at helping you remove cow dung?

Jaejoong: The member that I think of when you say 'cow dung' is Yunho.

Yunho: ...?

Changmin: =D

Jaejoong: I heard that Yunho rode cows when he as living in Junrahdo.

MC: ooohhh..

Yunho: Yes, I rode cows when I lived in the rural areas, and I like cow dung.

MC: Oh, so you like cow dung? Would it be okay if your fans sent you cow dung fr a present from tomorrow?

MC: How many bowls did you eat today??

Changmin: xD

Yunho: He ate a lot today too~

Junsu: Rice.

Yoochun: Two helpings fried rice.

Yunho: Gyoza.

Junsu: Four helpings of gyoza.

Changmin: Everyone ate together, so it wasn't just myself!!! >__<

http://dbskthe1eternally.tumblr.com/post/18826706613/growing-older-makes-me-feel-anxious-time-goes-by 

more tvxq angst drabble

-- Kim Jaejoong, Interview with Hankooki (22.04.11)

standbymyfivegods:

Chilean fans gave this book to jaejoong today
“1000reasons why we love TVXQ”❤

=carmen=

(via Always Keep The Faith)

 JYJ Chile Presscon cr

“After debuting in 2004 we have received a lot of love from the public. However, we have also been pained because of Sasaeng fans for nearly 8 years. It felt like prison because someone would always follow me, watch me, and would try to share everything about me. No matter how I tried to get myself out, I had to continue receiving mental pain while feeling trapped.” - Yoochun

“I endured the pain because Saesang fans are still fans. However, they used our identification to expose our private phone calls and GPS trackers were put on our cars. There were incidents of breaking and entering where a fan would take pictures of our private items. Some fans would try to kiss me while I was asleep and some fans tried to collide with our car in a taxi to see us in person.” -Junsu

“We want to give an apology for our unjust behavior in the past. We are sorry because of all the fans that worry for us and share our pain. In the future, we will think about the people that love us as public figures whenever we are in mentally difficult situations. We will think about the responsibility we have and never breakdown.”  -Jaejoong

Do you anticipate having the same success you had at the time you separated from TVXQ?
I think it would be more appropriate to say that we have separated from the company we were with at the time. TVXQ, as five members, will always be significant to us. 

http://dbskthe1eternally.tumblr.com/post/19221268753/love-its-not-just-the-churning-in-your-stomach

http://dbskthe1eternally.tumblr.com/post/19221021306/one-thing-or-another-our-last-concert-in-peru

http://dbskthe1eternally.tumblr.com/post/19220361646/there-are-so-many-things-that-i-want-to-do-but

“i’m not sure whether this path is right, but i do 
believe that everything will work out if we all try hard.”
- jung yunho 

Jaejoong: I’ll sing even if there is just one person who will listen to my music and protect me”

http://dbskthe1eternally.tumblr.com/post/19200962614/sometimes-he-even-leaves-his-brain-somewhere

CM: “Eating well is a must in life.”

http://dbskthe1eternally.tumblr.com/post/19094831016/external-beauty-and-the-gentle-manner-they-are

JYJ’s Siblings Tweet about Sasaeng Fans and JYJ’s life

Jaejoong’s sister

This is why entertainers get depressed and kill themselves! This is why they get bipolar disorder and depression! I am in my 30’s, yet when I get angry I express my anger. I am a human who has the right to think for myself~ Saseng they are not just saseng~ they are stalkers or even Grim Reapers! I was shocked and my heart skipped when I saw Jaejoong’s mention on KakaoTalk~

Although there are many words and expressions, why is it that what was written by Jaejoong seemed the scariest and the most depressing one in the world? Even a three year old boy can express his anger and emotions when he cannot do what he wants to do~ Those people make bruises on others’ hearts~ Just so they can enjoy themselves!

They are kids who are suffering even without them (sasaengs)! I hate this sad reality! But there is nothing I can do for him! The saddest thing is what Jaejoong said to express his feeling.

This became a very upsetting incident, I ,who is a pregnant, even thought: “MY JOB IS TO DIE WHEN THEY TELL ME TO DIE, THEN…” I am so upset, tears are falling down that I will give birth to my soon-to-be-born-baby to see a crazy world like this.

Trans by; Buniustyle of JYJ3 and dlwpdldhkdlwp

Junsu’s brother (JUNHO)

Seeing this problem from the perspective of fans, the reality of this problem is very disturbing. I think it would be correct in recognizing that these are not fans but stalkers. Criminals of life and death…the real words and facial expressions, actions and voices from the actual people are not included in this audio…This is the editing of a devil. 

Before, when my brother came home for a holiday, I saw his face that was suffering from saesangs but I said that because they’re fans they will treat them (JYJ) well…until I went with him, after that I thought this was maddening…

They love their fans more than anything, and they’re so grateful to them…But because of sasaengs, this perversion (T/N:of the fan culture) is painful…Before, the fan culture was evolving into a beautiful entity. The fans that have their stars, and the stars that have their fans.

After this, I hope that there will be a change back into, or even, a more beautiful fan culture in the future.

sm insider talk and other

“You all probably know that the five of us got along very well when we were together.  We met because of the simple fact that we love music” - U-Know YunHo

A SM Insider Talks About DBSK Members

“Leader Jung Yunho: A perfect socialite, he handles social scenes very well, not only it’s due to extensive training from SM, but also has a lot to do with his personality and his family surrounding. SM was focusing on him since the begining of days because they knew he was something special. The whole : ” I only became leader after JaeJoong hyung said he didn’t want to be one” talk is all garbage, JJ’s personality isn’t suitable for a leader, which will be explained later on in this.

 Yunho’s very well rounded, and he knows what to say and what to do at places, even when he absolutely has to critize someone, he does in a low-down way that it’s not dramatic, once back stage, this big time celebrity was upset about something, so he was basically cussing everyone out, no one had the guts to say anything because he was such a big shot, but Yunho came into the room, greeted the big shot and started some casual chit chat, they both ended up engaging in a light hearted conversation. 

 All five boys have great professional attitude, esp the leader Yunho, he’s not the type that comes, does the gig and leaves, he will make sure all details with the crew, anything related to DBSK, he will and wants to know. he often cares for others, see how they’re doing, perhaps that’s why being the leader gets so exhausting sometimes. But he’s really smart and very detail oriented, not to mention he pays attention to others, even when a crew member hurted his hands during a photoshoot, Yunho saw it and asked him if he was alright and if he needed help. Everyone truly likes Yunho. He knows the importance of his place yet he’s very modest.

 He’s very caring toward the members, professionally, he does everything in his powers to make sure others work smoothly, so that’s a load off of the manager’s shoulder. Once half way through a schedule, he asked a crew member to bring a pair of shoes, I first thought Yunho just want to wear another pair of shoes, but turns out the shoes were for junsu, because Junsu had mentioned his shoes were too slippery and they had to dance later in the schedule. Yunho immiedtely thought of taking care of the problem for Junsu.

 Yunho plays it tough in front of others, but there are times it’s hard for him to hold back his emotions, behind the glam, he’s a very sensitive, passionate guy, not after they debuted, once I saw Yunho cry, it was in a small room, his back was facing the door so I didn’t see his face, but I saw his shoulders shiver, the members were around him. Changmin gave him tissues and Jaejoong was holding his hand and comforting him. The entertainment circle is a cruel place where people learn to toughen up, the tough will get tougher and the weak will only grow weaker. 

 Yunho’s a nice guy, but he absolutely will not allow it when people attack jaeJoong, whether as a joke or not, once someone was talking about JJ in a way bad, Yunho stared the person down for about 30 seconds.. that sent shivers down my spine

 Fun fact: Yunho does most of the socializing in DBSK, so he often had to drink.. his limits is 4 bottles of soju~~

Yunho does not have a girlfriend at the moment, because the company simply does not allow it, there are quite a few girls in the field that likes him, but that would kill DBSK’s career and SM will never let Yunho gets away with it. 

 The five are extremely close, they’re always playing together, once Yunho asked JJ to do something, JJ jokly said ” if you dare to go kiss _____, i will do it right away..” . that person was a girl. then there was a time where everyone though Yunho liked her, Yunho laughed and said ” what the heck are you smoking” then he hugged JJ .. the ending? all five hugging together on the floor 

 JJ likes to talk a lot, esp with people he knows well, no matter what he’s taking about, he likes to describe it to the fullest, once telling a joke, he used 22 adjectives to describe a ballpen. haha. so sometimes he drags his stories, often in the progress of describing things, he totally forgets what he was going to talk about.. yet he’s still loves it! at times like this, changmin would try to get to the point for JJ, and JJ won’t let him. Even on shows, unless it was scripted prior to the show, JJ will often gets lost in his own chatter and completely forgets the fact that he’s even on a show… makes the MCs so dizzy! but no one hates him for it, he has a good heart, friendly and easy to get along with. even to strangers. but he has his guard up when it’s necessary and he knows how to protect himself. He’ll chat your ears off, but never things he knows he shouldn’t say. he has a habit of cooking.. then eating while cooking, so by the time he’s done.. there’s not much left.. JJ’s smile is elegant and soft, yet the minute he opens his mouth he’s a complete jokster, I don’t think he smokes too much or too often. not sure about his alcohol tolerance, he seems that he likes to drink. once he was drinking for 4 hrs and came out looking totally fine. Yunho on the other hand, gets really red after drinking.. so does Yoochun.

 JJ’s really close to Yunho, often helps Yunho with any problems he has, sometimes Yunho feels bad lecturing the members, so JJ does it for him. JJ’s the type that base everything on first impression, if he likes you first, then he’ll like you forever, otherwise, he never will for as long as he livse. Not like Yunho, who likes everyone.. that’s why I said before JJ’s personality isn’t suitable for a leader.

 Yoochun’s a true gentleman, he always opens doors for female crew members, let the girls go first when riding the elevator, through little gestures you can tell he’s very much of a gentleman, sometimes he acts goofy around team members, but I think that’s because he lacks confidence sometimes, he has lots of stupid silly requests, to get attention from team members, he needs to know that others loves him to feel secure.. ,maybe because he barely has any family in Korea, so he feels a little lonely and insecure. he’s the quitest one out of the five, sometimes he’s deep into his thoughts for hours, and he tend to let his emotions effect his work, that’s why the manager’s particuarlly worried about him in case they go solo one day.

 Junsu’s personality is more edgy.. when he’s cold he’s very cold, when he’s mad he’s really mad, when he’s playing around he play hits you hard, even though he was serious, but it still hurts! but he never hits yoochun because yoochun’s really sensitive, once back in training days, he play hits yoochun, and yoochun cried.. so ever again after that. Junsu went through a lot of tough times during training days, despite the fact that he was one of the best trainees. once his voice went away, a lot of people who were jealous were all stumping on him. that was his darkest time.

 Junsu’s very strong and independent even though he acts cute in front of the camera, but off the camera he’s much more mature than he appears to be on camera, it’s said that if SM has plan for them to go solo, Junsu would make the first solo debut. Junsu holds himself and others to very high standards when it comes to music, he doesn’t allow himself to make any mistake.. a perfecionist. Eun Hyuk of SUJU is Junsu’s best, he will kick others butt for Junsu. once during trainnee days, someone was making fun of Junsu, Eun Hyuk came in and slapped him. 

 Changmin’s the youngest, but he doesn’t let the members spoil him, he’s more low key.. even a shy changmin still gets into fights.. you wouldn’t think. right? he’s a good person to admire, because he’s mature and he’s deep, if he’s not a singer, he is really capable of doing politics, he’s young but he knows sometimes you just gotta hold your anger, fight for what you want. sometimes he’s too mature almost, he thinks a lot.

 Changmin’s the one that the manager nags the least, whether it’s school, work personality he takes himself the best, he phones home the most, but keeps it short, even though he’s the youngest but he really takes care of other members.”

love dbsk aktf

- Park Yoochun, Untitled song part 1

 [I am..The worst Cassiopeia ever]

Time flies so fast…So damn Fast…

Seconds become minutes..

Minutes become hours..

Hours become days…

Days become weeks..

Weeks become months..

Months become years..

This year is almost 9 years from DB5K’s debut.

This year is almost 3 years from JYJ’s lawsuit.

This year is almost 6 years from my first time being Cassiopeia.

This year is almost 4 years from my first time being Yunho’s bias.

This year is almost 2 years from my first time being Yunjaeshipper.

I was 15 when the first time i knew DB5K.

I was a student in JHS when i fallen in love with Shim Changmin.

I was a girl who didn’t know anything about music when i became Cassiopeia.

At that time, I just admired them because of their good looking. Especially Changmin.

Maybe If i didn’t love a boy who kissed a kitten at Hug MV, I’m not being Cassiopeia today.

Yes, This is the best God’s plan in my life.

Last year, I almost wanted to giving all up.

I almost loss all my faith towards Dong Bang.

If God didn’t held me, i would stop being Cassiopeia.

If God let me gave up, i would hate them and all of you, Cassies..

Honestly, i didn’t know why did I lose all my faith and want to giving up.

The more love i want to give, The more obstacle come to my life.

======

Jung Yunho…

He’s the one who taught me how to have a good life and enjoy it as long as i can.

He’s the one who taught me how to survive in this bad world.

He’s the one who taught me to be more closer with my lovely God.

He’s the one who taught me what “being thankful” is.

He’s the one who taught me to forgive all people who ever hurt me.

And,

He’s the only reason who held me not to giving up my Cassie’s soul.

He’s the only one who not letting me hate others.

He’s the reason why i don’t want to let people see me crying.

He’s the one of my reason why I still be a Cassiopeia.

He’s the reason of my life.

He’s my biggest strength, Jung Yunho.

======

Kim Jaejoong…

He’s the one who taught me how to be strong.

He’s the one who taught me to love all people around me.

He’s the one who taught me how wonderful this life is.

He’s the one who taught me to show all your happiness, instead of my sadness.

He’s the one who taught me to always be positive thinking.

And,

He’s the reason who keep me away from fanwar.

He’s the reason who not letting me complain about anything.

He’s the only reason why i don’t want to make people worry.

He’s the one of my reason why I still be a Cassiopeia.

He’s the reason of my smile.

He’s my biggest motivation, Kim Jaejoong.

=====

Park Yoochun…

He’s the one who taught me how to keep my faith stronger.

He’s the one who taught me not to give up easily.

He’s the one who taught me to enjoy with all i have today.

He’s the one who taught me to handle my emotion.

He’s the one who taught me to reach all of my dream.

And,

He’s the reason who push me to always writing.

He’s the reason who not let my imagination fly away.

He’s the only reason why I want to protect and treasure my family the most.

He’s the one of my reason why I still be a Cassiopeia.

He’s the reason of my spirit.

He’s my biggest inspiration, Park Yoochun.

=====

Kim Junsu…

He’s the one who taught me to always be cheers up.

He’s the one who taught me how important “laugh” is.

He’s the one who taught me to be happy, no matter how big my problems are.

He’s the one who taught me to always learn and learn.

He’s the one who taught me how to make people around me happy.

He’s the one who taught me to be patient, always.

And,

He’s the reason who held me to not hurt anyone else.

He’s the only reason who told me to be a blessing for everyone.

He’s the reason why I want to treasure my sister and brother the most.

He’s the one of my reason why I still be a Cassiopeia.

He’s the reason of my laughter.

He’s my biggest happiness, Kim Junsu.

=====

Shim Changmin…

He’s the one who taught me to keep strong, no matter how hard this life is.

He’s the one who taught me how to respect the others.

He’s the one who taught me to keep fighting.

He’s the one who taught me how to deal with all pain i have.

He’s the one who taught me how important studying is.

He’s the one who taught me how good for being selfish sometimes.

And,

He’s the reason who not letting me being lazy.

He’s the reason who told me to act like i don’t care with everything

He’s the only reason why must i focus with my own life first.

He’s the reason why I still be a Cassiopeia.

He’s the reason of my dream.

He’s my biggest influence, Shim Changmin.

=====

Dong Bang Shin Ki, The Five of Them…

Jung Yunho - Kim Jaejoong - Park Yoochun - Kim Junsu - Shim Changmin…

They’re the one who taught me everything in this life.

How wonderful this life is…

How hard this life is..

How sad this life is..

How amazing this life is..

I can enjoy my life today, because of them.

I can be happy everyday, because of them.

I can be someone like this today, of course, because of them.

They’re the reason who make me become this better person.

They’re the reason of my happiness.

They’re the reason of my sadness.

They’re the reason of my tears.

They’re the reason of my smile.

They’re the reason of my dream.

They’re the reason of my spirit.

Although after knew them, i felt so much hardship.

I felt so much sadness..

I shed so much tears..

I felt so much hatred..

The worst feeling, i ever felt that because of them..

But yet,

All of it can’t be compared with how much pain they feel..

With how hard their suffering..

With how long their journey..

With how much tears they drop..

With how much have they sacrificed..

The happiness they give to me until today..

The strength they give to me..

The power they give to me..

The  love they give to me..

And…

The faith they give to me…

I don’t know what should i do to pay them back.

They give everything i need in this world..

But, I can’t give them something that they need the most in this world.

Happiness…

I can’t give them a lot of happiness.

How hard i try, i can’t give them all happiness in this world.

Now all of you know how bad i am as their fans, Cassiopeia.

I feel fail as their fans..

I think only being their fans is enough to make them happy, but now i realize that I’m wrong..

Only being Cassiopeia and keep my faith isn’t enough…

Because Keep the faith is a duty that we must do, no matter how hard it does..

If you called yourself as a Cassiopeia, that means you’ve already keep your faith..No matter what happen..

What should i do to make them happy?

Today, i try to answer this question..

But still, i don’t get the answer yet..

Buy all their album, Is it enough to make them happy?

Attend their concert, Is it enough to make them happy?

Listening their music, Is it enough?

Thinking more about it, everything i do isn’t enough to make them happy..

Everything i say isn’t enough to give them all happiness in this world.

And yes, I feel so bad as their fan…

So Damn Bad, and even make me to give up..

 

=====

Sometimes, I ever imagined How if…

How if they never comeback?

How if they will be JYJ and TVXQ forever?

How if this is the Real ending for them?

How if they never want to start a new beginning?

How if…

How if my thinking is true?

What should i do if my stupid thinking come true?

Their 10 years bond…

Their 10 years love..

Their 10 years Faith..

My waiting..Your waiting..

My Love..Your love..

My effort..Your effort..

My support..Your support..

My time..Your time..

My tears…Your tears..

My everything..And Your everything..

Is it useless?

I don’t know..

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For how long I must waiting?

For how long I must keep this faith?

For how long I  must crying?

For how long?

How long i can endure this all?

I don’t know..Really don’t know…For how long i will waiting them..

I’m afraid if my waiting is useless..

I’m afraid will be disappointed later..

I’m just afraid…

Okay, just afraid…

You can look how happy they are now..

How happy JYJ are, now..

How happy Homin are, now..

Even i know there’s some sadness in their eyes, but yet…

whenever i see their beautiful smile, i can forget their sadness and don’t want their smile go away from their face.

I know it’s selfish, but for me, their smile is more than anything.

If they really enjoy and be happy with their life now, i must admit it that It’s okay for me if they never comeback as five..

As long as i can see their smile and be happy, always, that’s enough…

I believe you are disagree with me.

Me too, I want them to comeback…

But, if they really enjoy this life now, What can i do?

Scream? Shout? Crying?

Can that make them comeback? No…

I’m just their fans, what can i do to make them comeback?

What can i do?

Tell me…Tell me, what can i do?

Must I begging them? Begging SM? Begging Cjes? Begging you all?

Sorry, guys..Maybe today i just want to shout my feeling out..

I’m keeping this for long time ago and always think when the best time for me to say this.

I think today is the best..

Sorry..So sorry if you disagree with my thinking.

This is personal, you can agree and not, it’s up to you…

Because you know, Time can changes everything. Time can heals all wounds. Time can gives strength to survive. Time can does something which you think it’s impossible.

Maybe today, you think you can’t do anything and want to give up..

But who knows, tomorrow you get your strength back and can keep fighting..More powerful than yesterday..

JYJ and Homin for long time ago, i knew they hurt..

Really really hurt..

But today? After almost 3 years, Do you think they still get hurt?

How if they don’t?

How if their time (3 years) have already heal their pains and they want to move on?

TVXQ and JYJ…Forever being like this…

Nothing will change and Nothing impossible..

This kind of thinking which i hate the most.

Whenever i see their smile and laughter, i will think that they’re okay and happy right now. And this always success for make me more hopeless.

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But…

Whenever i feel so useless,

Whenever i feel so hopeless,

Whenever i want to give up,

Whenever i want to lose my faith…

The only one reason who hold me is my beloved God..

HE remind me how much effort i gave for being Cassiopeia..

HE remind me how hard my journey, even until now..

HE remind me how important Dong Bang in my life..

HE remind me Why should i being Cassiopeia…

HE remind me how long I keep this faith..

HE remind me how much Dong Bang love their Cassiopeia..

HE remind me how much have i sacrificed because of this love..

I didn’t want my effort and my faith are useless…

Even if I feel so useless, I hope and believe, my effort and my faith never be useless for them..

Never…

And I don’t want to turn my back on five man who i love the most.

I don’t want to turn my back on five man who taught me a lot about life and love.

I don’t want to turn my back and ruin everything..

Never want to…

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Their smile, Their laugh, Their dreams, Their efforts, Their hopes, Their loves, Their wishes, and..

Their everything..

I wish i can realize all of theirs.

I wish I’m an angel who can tell GOD for make their wishes, and their dreams come true.

I wish I’m an angel who can protect them all.

I wish I’m an angel who can make them smile and laugh.

I wish I’m an angel who can do everything, just for make their life become happier and happier every time….

I know..I know..

I’m only a human who can not be an angel…

I’m only a human who can not  realize their wishes and dreams.

I’m only a human who can not protect them well.

I’m only a human who can not make them smile and laugh.

I’m only a human who can not do everything i want…

I’m only a human…

Only a human…

And,

This human is useless..

This human is so hopeless..

This human only can pray..Pray to her GOD for protect her boys well and make them happy every time…

This human isn’t good for being Cassiopeia..

This human doesn’t deserve to be a Cassiopeia..

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When I see Jaejoong’s smile, I always feel so bad because I’m not the one who can make him smile like that.

When I see Junsu’s laugh, I always feel so bad because I’m not the one who can make him laugh like that.

When I see Yoochun’s tears, I always feel so bad because I can’t be there for comforting him.

When I see Changmin’s wounds, I always feel so bad because I can’t be there for heal his wounds.

When I see Yunho’s strength, I always feel so bad because I’m not the one who can make him strong.

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The worst Cassiopeia. Yeah, It’s me..

I’m the worst Cassiopeia who can’t do anything for the boys.

I’m the worst Cassiopeia who just can pray the best for them.

I’m the worst Cassiopeia who just can support them from here.

I’m the worst Cassiopeia..

The worst of the worst, I realize it..

So for that, I hope you all can protect Dong Bang better than me..

I hope you all can treat them well…

I hope you all can make them happy and happier every time..

I hope you all can support them equally…

I hope you all can love them more than me..

I hope you all can believe in them, no matter what happen…

I hope you all can trust them more than anything..

I hope you all can be better fandom. More better than me..

I hope you all can be strong and stronger than me..

I hope you all always can be Cassiopeia, forever..

Don’t ever lose your faith!

Don’t ever give up!

Don’t ever blame anyone!

Don’t ever judge anyone!

Don’t ever hate anyone!

Don’t ever feel so depress!

Don’t ever get tired for waiting! Because you have a longer time for waiting them comeback.

I believe they will comeback to you, trust me..*just this once*

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Cassiopeia, whoever and wherever you are, please listen to me…

Dong Bang Shin Ki..

They don’t need your tears, please Don’t cry…

They only need your strength, please be strong and stronger..

They only need your smile, please smile every time..

They only need your faith, so please keep your faith!

Because your strength will make them more stronger to survive..

Because your smile will make them more stronger to keep fighting…

Because your Faith will make them know that you’re still here..for supporting and waiting them back…

So please, just this once, listen to me…

Maybe it’s true that I’m not better than you…

But please, for Dong Bang’s sake, listen to me and Don’t cry…

I don’t want to see my Cassies crying..

I hate when i see my family crying..

I hate myself the most when i see Dong Bang Shin Ki crying…

You should be strong, no matter how hard this life tomorrow..

You should be happy, whatever people say…

You should keep your faith, no matter what happen…

You should be there for them, whatever the future hold on…

Please, promise to yourself and them that you will never cry and always keep your faith stronger..

From today, tomorrow, and For-ever..

Can you?

With love, The worst Cassiopeia ever..

-Jung Jin Rin-

“Love comes to those who still hope even though they’ve been disappointed, to those who still believe even though they’ve been betrayed, to those who still love even though they’ve been hurt before.”

Credit picts : as tagged

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[A/N : Fiuh, after 1 week, finally i can finish it today *no one asks me* XD But still, Sorry my beloved unnie, if I tag you in this stupid note. Sorry TT___TT.

Sorry for the typo(ss) and grammar error(ss). Sorry for disturbing you with my stupid writing *sigh* I wrote this just for shout my feeling out. You can disagree with me, that’s okay. I appreciate it, guys..Give me your comment, if you want.

Only read this, it will make me happy. Thank you..Thank you so much for reading this. Without you, I’m nothing! Thank you and Sorry for everything! You’re the best Cassiopeia ever, guys. I love you ♥]

http://jungyunjae.tumblr.com/post/19117584320/i-am-the-worst-cassiopeia-ever