- Park Yoochun, Untitled song part 1
[I am..The worst Cassiopeia ever]
Time flies so fast…So damn Fast…
Seconds become minutes..
Minutes become hours..
Hours become days…
Days become weeks..
Weeks become months..
Months become years..
This year is almost 9 years from DB5K’s debut.
This year is almost 3 years from JYJ’s lawsuit.
This year is almost 6 years from my first time being Cassiopeia.
This year is almost 4 years from my first time being Yunho’s bias.
This year is almost 2 years from my first time being Yunjaeshipper.
I was 15 when the first time i knew DB5K.
I was a student in JHS when i fallen in love with Shim Changmin.
I was a girl who didn’t know anything about music when i became Cassiopeia.
At that time, I just admired them because of their good looking. Especially Changmin.
Maybe If i didn’t love a boy who kissed a kitten at Hug MV, I’m not being Cassiopeia today.
Yes, This is the best God’s plan in my life.
Last year, I almost wanted to giving all up.
I almost loss all my faith towards Dong Bang.
If God didn’t held me, i would stop being Cassiopeia.
If God let me gave up, i would hate them and all of you, Cassies..
Honestly, i didn’t know why did I lose all my faith and want to giving up.
The more love i want to give, The more obstacle come to my life.
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Jung Yunho…
He’s the one who taught me how to have a good life and enjoy it as long as i can.
He’s the one who taught me how to survive in this bad world.
He’s the one who taught me to be more closer with my lovely God.
He’s the one who taught me what “being thankful” is.
He’s the one who taught me to forgive all people who ever hurt me.
And,
He’s the only reason who held me not to giving up my Cassie’s soul.
He’s the only one who not letting me hate others.
He’s the reason why i don’t want to let people see me crying.
He’s the one of my reason why I still be a Cassiopeia.
He’s the reason of my life.
He’s my biggest strength, Jung Yunho.
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Kim Jaejoong…
He’s the one who taught me how to be strong.
He’s the one who taught me to love all people around me.
He’s the one who taught me how wonderful this life is.
He’s the one who taught me to show all your happiness, instead of my sadness.
He’s the one who taught me to always be positive thinking.
And,
He’s the reason who keep me away from fanwar.
He’s the reason who not letting me complain about anything.
He’s the only reason why i don’t want to make people worry.
He’s the one of my reason why I still be a Cassiopeia.
He’s the reason of my smile.
He’s my biggest motivation, Kim Jaejoong.
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Park Yoochun…
He’s the one who taught me how to keep my faith stronger.
He’s the one who taught me not to give up easily.
He’s the one who taught me to enjoy with all i have today.
He’s the one who taught me to handle my emotion.
He’s the one who taught me to reach all of my dream.
And,
He’s the reason who push me to always writing.
He’s the reason who not let my imagination fly away.
He’s the only reason why I want to protect and treasure my family the most.
He’s the one of my reason why I still be a Cassiopeia.
He’s the reason of my spirit.
He’s my biggest inspiration, Park Yoochun.
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Kim Junsu…
He’s the one who taught me to always be cheers up.
He’s the one who taught me how important “laugh” is.
He’s the one who taught me to be happy, no matter how big my problems are.
He’s the one who taught me to always learn and learn.
He’s the one who taught me how to make people around me happy.
He’s the one who taught me to be patient, always.
And,
He’s the reason who held me to not hurt anyone else.
He’s the only reason who told me to be a blessing for everyone.
He’s the reason why I want to treasure my sister and brother the most.
He’s the one of my reason why I still be a Cassiopeia.
He’s the reason of my laughter.
He’s my biggest happiness, Kim Junsu.
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Shim Changmin…
He’s the one who taught me to keep strong, no matter how hard this life is.
He’s the one who taught me how to respect the others.
He’s the one who taught me to keep fighting.
He’s the one who taught me how to deal with all pain i have.
He’s the one who taught me how important studying is.
He’s the one who taught me how good for being selfish sometimes.
And,
He’s the reason who not letting me being lazy.
He’s the reason who told me to act like i don’t care with everything
He’s the only reason why must i focus with my own life first.
He’s the reason why I still be a Cassiopeia.
He’s the reason of my dream.
He’s my biggest influence, Shim Changmin.
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Dong Bang Shin Ki, The Five of Them…
Jung Yunho - Kim Jaejoong - Park Yoochun - Kim Junsu - Shim Changmin…
They’re the one who taught me everything in this life.
How wonderful this life is…
How hard this life is..
How sad this life is..
How amazing this life is..
I can enjoy my life today, because of them.
I can be happy everyday, because of them.
I can be someone like this today, of course, because of them.
They’re the reason who make me become this better person.
They’re the reason of my happiness.
They’re the reason of my sadness.
They’re the reason of my tears.
They’re the reason of my smile.
They’re the reason of my dream.
They’re the reason of my spirit.
Although after knew them, i felt so much hardship.
I felt so much sadness..
I shed so much tears..
I felt so much hatred..
The worst feeling, i ever felt that because of them..
But yet,
All of it can’t be compared with how much pain they feel..
With how hard their suffering..
With how long their journey..
With how much tears they drop..
With how much have they sacrificed..
The happiness they give to me until today..
The strength they give to me..
The power they give to me..
The love they give to me..
And…
The faith they give to me…
I don’t know what should i do to pay them back.
They give everything i need in this world..
But, I can’t give them something that they need the most in this world.
Happiness…
I can’t give them a lot of happiness.
How hard i try, i can’t give them all happiness in this world.
Now all of you know how bad i am as their fans, Cassiopeia.
I feel fail as their fans..
I think only being their fans is enough to make them happy, but now i realize that I’m wrong..
Only being Cassiopeia and keep my faith isn’t enough…
Because Keep the faith is a duty that we must do, no matter how hard it does..
If you called yourself as a Cassiopeia, that means you’ve already keep your faith..No matter what happen..
What should i do to make them happy?
Today, i try to answer this question..
But still, i don’t get the answer yet..
Buy all their album, Is it enough to make them happy?
Attend their concert, Is it enough to make them happy?
Listening their music, Is it enough?
Thinking more about it, everything i do isn’t enough to make them happy..
Everything i say isn’t enough to give them all happiness in this world.
And yes, I feel so bad as their fan…
So Damn Bad, and even make me to give up..
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Sometimes, I ever imagined How if…
How if they never comeback?
How if they will be JYJ and TVXQ forever?
How if this is the Real ending for them?
How if they never want to start a new beginning?
How if…
How if my thinking is true?
What should i do if my stupid thinking come true?
Their 10 years bond…
Their 10 years love..
Their 10 years Faith..
My waiting..Your waiting..
My Love..Your love..
My effort..Your effort..
My support..Your support..
My time..Your time..
My tears…Your tears..
My everything..And Your everything..
Is it useless?
I don’t know..
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For how long I must waiting?
For how long I must keep this faith?
For how long I must crying?
For how long?
How long i can endure this all?
I don’t know..Really don’t know…For how long i will waiting them..
I’m afraid if my waiting is useless..
I’m afraid will be disappointed later..
I’m just afraid…
Okay, just afraid…
You can look how happy they are now..
How happy JYJ are, now..
How happy Homin are, now..
Even i know there’s some sadness in their eyes, but yet…
whenever i see their beautiful smile, i can forget their sadness and don’t want their smile go away from their face.
I know it’s selfish, but for me, their smile is more than anything.
If they really enjoy and be happy with their life now, i must admit it that It’s okay for me if they never comeback as five..
As long as i can see their smile and be happy, always, that’s enough…
I believe you are disagree with me.
Me too, I want them to comeback…
But, if they really enjoy this life now, What can i do?
Scream? Shout? Crying?
Can that make them comeback? No…
I’m just their fans, what can i do to make them comeback?
What can i do?
Tell me…Tell me, what can i do?
Must I begging them? Begging SM? Begging Cjes? Begging you all?
Sorry, guys..Maybe today i just want to shout my feeling out..
I’m keeping this for long time ago and always think when the best time for me to say this.
I think today is the best..
Sorry..So sorry if you disagree with my thinking.
This is personal, you can agree and not, it’s up to you…
Because you know, Time can changes everything. Time can heals all wounds. Time can gives strength to survive. Time can does something which you think it’s impossible.
Maybe today, you think you can’t do anything and want to give up..
But who knows, tomorrow you get your strength back and can keep fighting..More powerful than yesterday..
JYJ and Homin for long time ago, i knew they hurt..
Really really hurt..
But today? After almost 3 years, Do you think they still get hurt?
How if they don’t?
How if their time (3 years) have already heal their pains and they want to move on?
TVXQ and JYJ…Forever being like this…
Nothing will change and Nothing impossible..
This kind of thinking which i hate the most.
Whenever i see their smile and laughter, i will think that they’re okay and happy right now. And this always success for make me more hopeless.
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But…
Whenever i feel so useless,
Whenever i feel so hopeless,
Whenever i want to give up,
Whenever i want to lose my faith…
The only one reason who hold me is my beloved God..
HE remind me how much effort i gave for being Cassiopeia..
HE remind me how hard my journey, even until now..
HE remind me how important Dong Bang in my life..
HE remind me Why should i being Cassiopeia…
HE remind me how long I keep this faith..
HE remind me how much Dong Bang love their Cassiopeia..
HE remind me how much have i sacrificed because of this love..
I didn’t want my effort and my faith are useless…
Even if I feel so useless, I hope and believe, my effort and my faith never be useless for them..
Never…
And I don’t want to turn my back on five man who i love the most.
I don’t want to turn my back on five man who taught me a lot about life and love.
I don’t want to turn my back and ruin everything..
Never want to…
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Their smile, Their laugh, Their dreams, Their efforts, Their hopes, Their loves, Their wishes, and..
Their everything..
I wish i can realize all of theirs.
I wish I’m an angel who can tell GOD for make their wishes, and their dreams come true.
I wish I’m an angel who can protect them all.
I wish I’m an angel who can make them smile and laugh.
I wish I’m an angel who can do everything, just for make their life become happier and happier every time….
I know..I know..
I’m only a human who can not be an angel…
I’m only a human who can not realize their wishes and dreams.
I’m only a human who can not protect them well.
I’m only a human who can not make them smile and laugh.
I’m only a human who can not do everything i want…
I’m only a human…
Only a human…
And,
This human is useless..
This human is so hopeless..
This human only can pray..Pray to her GOD for protect her boys well and make them happy every time…
This human isn’t good for being Cassiopeia..
This human doesn’t deserve to be a Cassiopeia..
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When I see Jaejoong’s smile, I always feel so bad because I’m not the one who can make him smile like that.
When I see Junsu’s laugh, I always feel so bad because I’m not the one who can make him laugh like that.
When I see Yoochun’s tears, I always feel so bad because I can’t be there for comforting him.
When I see Changmin’s wounds, I always feel so bad because I can’t be there for heal his wounds.
When I see Yunho’s strength, I always feel so bad because I’m not the one who can make him strong.
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The worst Cassiopeia. Yeah, It’s me..
I’m the worst Cassiopeia who can’t do anything for the boys.
I’m the worst Cassiopeia who just can pray the best for them.
I’m the worst Cassiopeia who just can support them from here.
I’m the worst Cassiopeia..
The worst of the worst, I realize it..
So for that, I hope you all can protect Dong Bang better than me..
I hope you all can treat them well…
I hope you all can make them happy and happier every time..
I hope you all can support them equally…
I hope you all can love them more than me..
I hope you all can believe in them, no matter what happen…
I hope you all can trust them more than anything..
I hope you all can be better fandom. More better than me..
I hope you all can be strong and stronger than me..
I hope you all always can be Cassiopeia, forever..
Don’t ever lose your faith!
Don’t ever give up!
Don’t ever blame anyone!
Don’t ever judge anyone!
Don’t ever hate anyone!
Don’t ever feel so depress!
Don’t ever get tired for waiting! Because you have a longer time for waiting them comeback.
I believe they will comeback to you, trust me..*just this once*
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Cassiopeia, whoever and wherever you are, please listen to me…
Dong Bang Shin Ki..
They don’t need your tears, please Don’t cry…
They only need your strength, please be strong and stronger..
They only need your smile, please smile every time..
They only need your faith, so please keep your faith!
Because your strength will make them more stronger to survive..
Because your smile will make them more stronger to keep fighting…
Because your Faith will make them know that you’re still here..for supporting and waiting them back…
So please, just this once, listen to me…
Maybe it’s true that I’m not better than you…
But please, for Dong Bang’s sake, listen to me and Don’t cry…
I don’t want to see my Cassies crying..
I hate when i see my family crying..
I hate myself the most when i see Dong Bang Shin Ki crying…
You should be strong, no matter how hard this life tomorrow..
You should be happy, whatever people say…
You should keep your faith, no matter what happen…
You should be there for them, whatever the future hold on…
Please, promise to yourself and them that you will never cry and always keep your faith stronger..
From today, tomorrow, and For-ever..
Can you?
With love, The worst Cassiopeia ever..
-Jung Jin Rin-
“Love comes to those who still hope even though they’ve been disappointed, to those who still believe even though they’ve been betrayed, to those who still love even though they’ve been hurt before.”
Credit picts : as tagged
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[A/N : Fiuh, after 1 week, finally i can finish it today *no one asks me* XD But still, Sorry my beloved unnie, if I tag you in this stupid note. Sorry TT___TT.
Sorry for the typo(ss) and grammar error(ss). Sorry for disturbing you with my stupid writing *sigh* I wrote this just for shout my feeling out. You can disagree with me, that’s okay. I appreciate it, guys..Give me your comment, if you want.
Only read this, it will make me happy. Thank you..Thank you so much for reading this. Without you, I’m nothing! Thank you and Sorry for everything! You’re the best Cassiopeia ever, guys. I love you ♥]
YES ,TV5XQ fOREVER
ReplyDeleteAlways Keep The Faith